I had SUCH high hopes for this project. Pie in the sky high. It was all going so well. And then it expanded into a smelly, sticky, gag-worthy mess.
So, I wanted to create a faux-mercury glass vase filled with silver/gold branches for a dining room centerpiece. Not über complicated.
Here’s the rundown before the fail:
After collecting branches (the PERFECT branches) arrange them carefully to perfectly fit the location you envision them being perfect for.
Find a perfect vase to hold them.
I wanted a “bouquet” feel. Organic but not – so I tied the bundle with twine so my perfect branches would stay perfectly in place.
Take those perfect branches outside and hit ’em with a light dusting of the perfect (discontinued) silver spray paint because thats all that’s left in the can.
While the branches are drying, give your perfectly sized and shaped glass vase a few light coats of looking glass spray paint. Then immediately blot the inside with a paper towel to give the gold a place to peek through. Because we’re perfect around here, we wear vinyl gloves to keep our hands clean.
Using your paper bowl, generously dab the gold paint all over the inside. Be sure it’s perfect.
Hmmm… needs another coat or two of looking glass spray paint.
There. Perfect faux mercury glass. It’s super important that it’s perfect. There’s no going back. If its not perfect please stop now and start over.
When all the paint is nice and perfectly dried stabilize the branches in preparation for your awesome homemade “plaster”. Look all over the internet for a plaster recipe that only includes ingredients that are in your pantry. It will be perfect.
Flour, salt and water? Done and done. How much more perfect could this project get. I’m on a perfect project high!
Gently clean up the inside of the lip. Set your perfect vase of perfect branches in the perfect spot (like the dining room table) to cure and dry over night. Or over 48 hours. Whatever seems to be perfect.
Somewhere between day two and three of “drying” my perfect “plaster” did this. Such an awesome sight and smell to come downstairs to at 6am. Super awesome. You know what was even more awesome? Picking the stinking gooey mess out of the decorative lines of the table. Who designed that dumb feature? And on that note, who decided it would be a good buy? Obviously someone perfect.
To add insult to injury, on expansion the perfect plaster peeled off my perfect faux mercury glass. Who does that? I can’t even begin to tell you how disgusting it smelled. Like the inside of a rowdy bar at 3:00 on a hot summer afternoon. Even the dog was repulsed.
Just another victory shot for good measure. Clean up wasn’t fun. I managed to get most of the flour glob and paint into the trash. I took the perfect branches to the backyard to hose off and try to salvage. The dog decided that it was just interesting enough of a smell to investigate and strew across the yard. Just perfect.
You know, it’s a good thing we’re so perfect around here.